Case:

A new “Odd Couple”?

The case of Smokey as Complainant versus Wanna-Live as Respondent.

“Smokey” agreed to smoke outside, but “Wanna-Live” has come up with more conditions. Are things about to go “up in smoke”?

Complaint:
I moved in with my long time buddy after we both graduated college. We both got our first jobs and moved into a swankey new apartment. We have it set up cool, and it's a great bachelor pad. We have it nice, and it's the man cave we've always said we would have. It's a great meeting place, we have great parties on the weekends, and we are great friends. But, we have one rift. I smoke and he doesn't.

When we moved into the apartment together, I promised him I wouldn't smoke inside. Only on the patio. He was OK with this. He is a neat freak; me not so much. But, now that we've settled in, for the last couple of months he's been riding my ass about smoking on the patio. Some ashes will float out of the ash tray and get on the ground. Or the ash tray is just an "eye sore." Or, when I open the door to come back inside some smoke wafts in. Or, the door being opened lets hot air in with me going in and out. These are all his complaints, and I'm getting tired of hearing it. He never seems to mind when we have a party if an attractive girl smokes inside, or leaves the door open. It's just me, and everyday living that he complains about. He really wants me to stop, and I'm sick of hearing it. I try to ignore his constant nagging about it, but it's too much. I can complain about a few of his annoying habits too, but I don't want to go there.

All I want is for him to stop riding my ass about this before it escalates. I'm sick of it, and he won't back off. He tells me it's for my own good, and it would be healthier if I quit. True, and I plan to quit. But until then, he needs to be told to back off and be told by someone other than me that he is wrong. We agreed to this coming in, and I'm abiding by what I said. I only smoke on the patio. My choice. He's got to compromise and stick to what he said. Please tell him he's wrong and to quit getting onto me about this, so we don't end up beating the hell out of each other.

Answer:
Look we are both college graduates, so hopefully we have enough brains to realize that the perils of smoking are valid and have been proven. True, I agreed to my friend smoking on the patio, but I also did something very dangerous, I "ASSUMED" he would at the very least empty his ashtray when it is full, that would eliminate any wind blown mess. He did, however, fail to mention how badly a full ashtray smells after a while. Remember the line"Kissing a smoker is like kissing an ashtray"? If we have a party on the weekend and a "pretty girl" smokes, maybe I feel it may be beneficial to "me" to overlook it. There is a very big difference to smoking a few hours at a party than to smoking seven days a week on the patio. The only reason I ride my buddy's ass about quitting is: I have known him for most of my life and feel he is more like a Brother than a Buddy and I would have trouble living with myself if he got seriously ill from smoking and I failed to at least try to help him avoid it. As far as a little smoke wafting in, really, if when a person finishes a cigarette the last puff wouldn't create much of a problem so maybe the door is open while he is smoking. Again, we all are aware of the danger of secondary smoke. I would be more than willing to back off of my "nagging" if he would just be a little more considerate and understanding. Because, really "I do Wanna-Live".

The Honorable Judge Crabgrass presiding over this action.

The Decree:
Oh my God!!!! I can’t believe this case is between two “buddies”. It sounds more like it’s between a buddy and his overbearing, nagging, neat freak, know-it-all, contradictory wife. If this isn’t the case of the “Odd Couple”, I don’t know what is!

We all know the health hazards of smoking. We all know what the heck second hand smoke does. “Wanna-Live” states you’re both college graduates and know the research findings, so why does it need to be repeatedly stated to “Smokey”. Talk about beating a dead horse.

When you decided to live together, you both agreed that “Smokey” could smoke on the patio. No smoking inside, but the patio was fine. You both concur that was the agreement. Now all of a sudden, “Wanna-Live” is throwing other stipulations into the agreement: empty the ashtray, close the door, and clean the patio. It’s outside for god’s sake.

On top of that, after all the whining and complaining, “Wanna-Live” allows guests to smoke inside!! Oh wait, not just ANY guests, but the “pretty”, “female” guests. Oh sure, “then that’s ok”. I mean she’s not paying the rent or anything, but her second hand smoke isn’t affecting “Wanna-Live” since it’s only for a couple of hours and not 7 days a week. Where did you say you got that college degree from?

If “Smokey” would like to clean up a little more after himself to keep the peace and the place swanky, and close the door more often to not only save “Wanna-Live” the second hand smoke but to save on the electric bill as well, that would be awesome and a very wise choice. However, if “Smokey” doesn’t, so be it. That was not part of the agreement. The agreement was to “smoke on the patio” and he has kept up his end of the bargain. “Wanna-Live” needs to back off, leave the subject of “smoking” off-limits, and uphold his end of the agreement without the badgering. This court finds in the favor of “Smokey”.